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THIS Lonely.I don't know how I feel, besides lost and miserable and frustrated and sad. I hate that she's gone, and a lot of the time its hard to even admit it or realize it. Me and Mom were close - but we all knew the possibility of her one day killing herself was high." Pleased, yes: proud, no.My therapist said that when I was ready I should reach out to others who have been through this, so I thought I'd give it a try. I logically KNOW she's dead, but its easier to get through the day by thinking she's a phone call away.Thank you, dear Lynzi, for making me smile tonight. Furthermore, my mom wasn't a Christian and neither am I. We took her off of life-support and she died on August 10, 2009.Geh - I miss my mom. But, well - we feared it for so long it had gotten to the point where I stopped believing it would really happen. I've fallen, myself, into a depression like I've never felt before: I haven't been wanting to get out of bed, or go to school (I'm 21 and about to graduate university - or, well, if I don't screw up this semester) or talk to anyone. And I shrugged it off, thinking: she never will.Originally Posted by the auroraWhaaaaaaaaat?! My reaction exactly. I really don't know if anything I do makes her "proud. Yes, I do. It killed her brain but not her body. I'm overwhelmed with the future - being without Mom forever? Or, what do I tell people? Its always in the back of my mind: my mom KILLED herself. Missing Mom, just feeling miserable all the time.And to answer this thread's question: Why, yes.Anyone else lose their mother? Particularly college-aged? because none of my friends no how to relate or help, so I've drawn away from everyone, or they've drawn away from me. Those stupid platitudes kill me - she's looking down on you: well, a lot of Christians believe suicide is unforgivable. On July 13th she overdosed on insulin and went into a coma.I'm so sad she was in that kind of pain, for so long, and couldn't or wouldn't be helped. Think how many times we've freaked out about it and she was fine. I started seeing a therapist after mom died, because it seemed, well - it makes a lot of sense, and I don't want to be like her, like that - I'm going to get help when I need it. She'll be fine. I didn't want to freak out again. I'm angry that she did this to us. well, obviously its been really hard. A week before she overdosed, my sister kept pressing me to call her, saying: Mom's really upset, you should call her, I'm worried she'll kill herself.*shrugs*Why can't we be able to sell items for cents it will make it more interesting plus it will be better because we could by them items with cents to help do quest and selling stuff you don't need why don't you do this for Age! and age!!. Crying all the time. And then that was the time she DID do something. I don't even know what to say. And staying up with school just isn't happening, because I can't focus on class and I don't want to get out of bed. Since she died. I'm so sorry: yeah, I am too, thanks. Make her proud: my mom was a lot of wonderful things - a wonderful mother, even as depressed and hurting as she was - but PRIDE isn't a word I'd associate with her. I needed it.My mom has (had?) been depressed for most of her life - all of mine